an unwavering depression

       

                                                                                        jame jame help me jame

Ah, and here we are again at my least favorite season, Fall. While so beloved by my fellow goth nerds, my depression gets to me this time of year, seeing the trees shed their life and the wind. Absolutely dislike the wind.

Wind aside, this GTNR episode was inspired by the Silent Hill series. Recorded after playing through the Silent Hill 2 remake this summer I am proud to report that I have completed a scary game. Not without the help of my partner, of course, but games are more fun that way. 

hello it me crispy jame!!

My mom, who happens to be in the process of moving closer to me this week, played a bit of the first game with me as a teenager. She stopped shortly after entering several areas with dirty bathrooms, saying it was too gross, and I was too scared to carry on without her. Somewhere in there an answer to how we find ourselves here today.

wow finally a break 2 watch tv!! i am jame!!!

At this age I am feeling both parts mother and child. A Silent Hill-esque pubescent hell itself and adult depression. A sadness that we romantacise until we can't take it anymore and we disappear.

enjoy the cassette mix of sounds from some Silent Hills, and other songs that hit

just pre-Silent Hill F coming out. don't hate, that game was just fine.

2025GTNR_02_anunwaveringdepression

a new romance

fla-boe-be glitched out on this layer merge

I feel stupid trying to write on this platform because it feels foreign to me and nothing works like I expect it to. Losers across the nation feel this same sentiment.

But here we are, the first mix of g33k t4lk n3rd r0ck 2.0 sampling some of my favorite otome games as of late. If unfamiliar with this genre, you play as a 2D girlfriend confronted by a group of possible suitors and through a series of story choices learn more about yourself, and find love in the process.

dis my no1 husband0 in Cupid Parasite

Say what you will about these games, they are wholesomely SPICY. Knowing you made someone happy is a great feeling, 2D or not. It's satisfying to have answers provided for you and all the time to think it over -up to and including re-do's. 

I don't drink anymore or have co-workers, so Sympathy Kiss hit on a different level

I suppose what makes me cry most is not just the heightened romance (complete with over the top music and sometimes sparkles) is how much the character you end up with becomes a reflection of yourself and the choices you've made. Right. I was not ready for that sentiment when I picked up games for the first time since pre-pandemic.

who can forget sally del testa from despera drops

I've spent the last few years learning more about myself. Namely that I'm sensitive, and not like just emotionally, but like to noises, fragrances, and the outside. I just think I'm all around soft and it turns out I've always been this way. And so maybe I embrace it now and be open to the parts of me these otome games reflect.

enjoy the cassette mix of otome games, mistakes, and songs that hit on May 2025

2025GTNR_01_anewromance

 

we're going back in time

I suppose we start somewhere. Former long time online diarist, jumping back in some 10 odd years later. I saw @kingropstyle come out with a blogger, and I followed suit.

G33k t4lk n3rd r0ck (GTNR) was my college radio show on KSSU.com. Then, also on a small AM frequency, I followed in my sisters footsteps and became a DJ. Sandwiched in between Kevin Seconds and Dub V, I was the all over the place nrrd grrl who couldn't control the volume. Not quite turntabalist or mix master, I gave reviews of video games in between chiptune tracks and internet sound bytes in a proto-podcast radio show. I, like every other millennial, look back at the early days of the internet with a deep fondness.

GTNR flyer circa 2007

Now a few years outside of my MFA (thank you thank you now what), I looked back at my relationship to music -something I gave up for my artistic practice, trying to ham-jam the two forms together. Naturally I got frustrated at 1) sucking at music 2) making art that sucks as a result of the former. Enough people building "walls of sound" could help me explore this subject, but they're not who I'm trying to reach. I just want the fun part of making music, without having to reinvent the wheel. Everything has been made anyway, my way of looking at something isn't unique, I just had to find who was already there.

I consume the same amount of media now as I did back then. Franchises and IP's I adored so much have brought on a sense of ennui I haven't felt in a long time... I replaced repeat episodes with news in between sponsored ads. My once active digital social life has become as limp as the penises HIMS promises to fix.

Trina Fernandez @ 2008

A private dance party of one, a song that ends abruptly because of a surprise phone call. 30 minutes of un-advertised, but not interrupted space. The set takes a few days to casually record, here and there after work is done for the day. A small joyful routine that stops me from killing myself. A mix of video game sounds and layer of reference from personal to dumb. A half-hour sorry. A percussive reminder that we are human.

I don't go out like I used to, I don't think anybody does since the pandemic. Maybe it's a side effect of getting older and smoking too much pot alone. But *takes a fat rip* I'm just trying to shop around for the meaning of it all, you know?